So, the 'grand date' happened; 30th July, International Day of Friendship (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendsh…
I guess very few notices or cares 'bout that date; I decided to personally use it as a milestone, to get a personal achievement of "at least" talking to those I used to talk but don't anymore.
A small group of 7 persons, (Which really just attempted to do with 4)
To name 'em, Storvius, Coldown, Gui, 7up, LD, Sebastian, Kipa.
I didn't try with the 2 latters, (Sebastian said I'm a horrible friend when it was kinda the opposite <.> and I won't force him; & kipa dealing with autism can't figure out that not everyone has to be 100% compatible with you to be your friend).
So first I'll tell the good news; much to my surprise, I got a random add on Skype, the guy's named Future, I didn't know who he was XD haha. Very funny and frendly he is!
So he told me he was Storvius cousin; and well, if you didn't know Storvius was the guy that DDoSed me and we had much issues with friends and was lots of drama anyways, was silly <.>
So figured would be the best opportunity to just forget everything bad and start again <3 after all it was friendship week!!
I admitted my mistakes, he did too. Yes; I know I said that is hard to forgive someone that does so much things; but the reality is, does it really matter? When someone's honest, or at least, appear to be, in the emotional sense (Nothing money related sorry! I know 'bout scams haha), is it worth it to doubt 'em and leave 'em aside?
Well, not for me. I very much appreciate the opportunity to meet those that we had issues in the past, and just forget everything and never care 'bout it <3
After all, I consider friendship something very important in my life, things like these changed my life (At least online) in a good way and I know I give others the chance, even after many times, and I am someone that's willing to forgive big things.
And look at it, someone at first totally random helped me with a long time issue with a friend. Iam really grateful for it. And in the end, why would we care 'bout negative past? He (kinda helped) Storvius in the incident, but does it matter? No, it doesn't. Not for me.
What matter is the now and future.
So yes, forgiving is an important asset someone should have <3
Now, to the other side of the coin; which aren't that good things.
I'll say it again, I was stupid on the past (I am still am, supposedly less). I and we, everyone did mistakes, some big, some less. Like me & Storvius. Things happen. We can forgive, because after all, we're humans and we're bound to it. We don't live in the medieval era where the ppl spend their entire damned life with some old grudge between family that eventually end up in a bloodbath.
I suppose you may or may not have read my story 'bout my involvement on Steam (I suggest to read if, if anything...) but any case;
Things happend. First Coldown, some guy from spain that was very chill and first met me very happy 'bout knowing about friendship.
He kind changed after some time, but he always admired the ideals. Mostly because of his long distance love, that I think just affected him when it ended. Then some guy kinda changed his mind way too much, and eventually we parted ways. I think he just got dissapointed in some form, and now just simply acts weird. I wanted to talk to him, at least for this time.
But I just have one friend, that's not enough to help me fix the issue. It wasn't enough and I think I won't be able this time~.
A total shame, but I guess he has his own issues; just hard I bet it is to restore faith on friendship on someone that just had lots of issues.
Second, 7up & LD; I know I'm clingy, but because I fear being alone. If I feel ignored by those I care about, I just don't know what to do, and I might 'pester' 'em more than I wanted to, and I think in the end is more negative than positive, yet if I don't get feedback about it, I don't realise.
My naiveness and the neccesity of feeling attached just fooled me too much and it didn't end but being ignored by someone that was amazing friend of mine.
My main mistake, is that I knew that 7up was close friend of LD. I just didn't talk to him, to help things up. I didn't, I Didn't because I just dislike asking others for help, because in the past, things didn't work well if I asked others 'bout certain issues.
But this time, it didn't work out well either.
While I waited for positive feedback from LD, eventually I just ran out and made the mistake to just try to attract their attention by some journals, that unfortunately just scalated quickly into something I didn't want or foreseen in the first place.
I know things apparented sketchy because lots of things got mixed up, and some trolls picked up the fact the matter was public (It would have been private if I had managed to have private chats with 'em to solve issues, which well, never happened until the end for the simple reason that I was ignored).
I don't know if they don't believe me, (probably they didn't) in any case, I wanted to leave things behind.
Just that 7up took things personally and started hating me; might been reasonable for some time, but after time passed I just think is silly, since we're in a group chat on Skype, he acts normally, yet he doesnt' acknowledge me for it, and denied any petition to talk directly.
I dunno if it's that hard to get someone that can arrange chats, like it happened with my freinds. I dunno 'bout LD, I'm more interested on fixing things up with him.
But I think that noone has the will to help directly; because I can't on my own. It's my fault for just not being better friends, and just being shy there.
I don't know.
I was naive and stupid I know, but why they're not able to just forget and focus that we're all similar there, and there's no reason to just fight over the past, at least the way I did? Don't we believe in friendship also? We all do mistakes. Noone is without fault, we have to be humble 'bout it.
And last Gui; someone awesome I met on Steam, with lots of personal issues, we help with my friends and stuff, but I guess their personal issues hit too hard, and I figured out that "I'm here not for friends, just for games, yet I just want friends and not care" was not a good reason to be friends, so giving Gui time was fit.
Now that I saw Gui changed, I wanted to add again, but I get comments from Gui that "I'm awful" "I'm pathetic" stuff like that, which aren't true.
Some friends told me Gui just is afraid of hurting me; while that won't happen. I guess it's a matter of proving otherwise, but would be impossible if it's not a personal will on Gui, we'll have to see on time. I always believed in Gui that's why I didn't leave them from my personal group on Steam. I keep track of these details.
Question is, is it worth to keep this pace?
Everyone there have their own stories, summing everything up is already hard and I know I missed many details that I can't tell or just plain forgot. It doesn't matter either way; I am willing to give up any past experiences for you; but are you willing for the same?
If you tell me what I am doing wrong, I can correct it. I can't just figure out bad things until a mistake happen, and then fix it.
Noone's perfect right?
I doubt 7up or LD would read either way, and the other definitely no. But it's a good thing to note up. And definitely, if you realise the past, you will do your best to not repeat it!
Mind noting that the best friends I have right now on Steam we all had our issues, big or small, and that just help us to foster the bond. Because it helps <3
During my time here; I had lots of experiences, and I know what I did changed positively in the lifes of many, and while some were bad, most were good, and we can always change bad things to good things!
I would later write my involvement on things that aren't related to Steam, more heartwarming stories I bet, like how I got to meet awesome people on some now defunct site named Bronynet, etc.
Things got connected tho; and look were are we now!
As for now, I guess I enjoyed my friendship day, more negative things, I got a bit sad 'bout these things, I didn't get the support needed to solve these issues now and I dunno if I would. I really can't on my own, if I could things would be resolved already.
Personally I did some giveaway of games on my friendship group on Steam, seems good cuz ppl love free stuff <3 haha.
And now my parents are yelling at me cuz I want to stay late at PC even as I'm old aready <.>
oh boy. Life might not be perfect, might be alone, whatever, at least I know I help some, and I'd really love to be helped too.
Who knows. We'll see?