[Blog] What is good and what is wrong

See, we all make mistakes. We all do, noone is perfect.

Making a mistake is normal, and that's part of the learning that we have as persons. During my journey online I've met a huge variety of ppl.
Those that step on the same rock everytime, so much that got a hate blog and a page on ED, those that f*ck up things once and avoid doing the same thing twice. Those that slip up and f*ck up things more than twice but eventually learn.
Those that jump from drama wagon to drama wagon. Those that are plain evil or trollish and only seek to make the day of other's worse.
Those that 'are normal' and never are in the center of fire.

Those that are kind, sweet, nice and caring, and those that take advantage of that.


If your goal was to lie, use, dispose and spit in the face of someone else just to have a 'vendetta' about someone that did the same to you in the past, well, congratulations!

Does that makes you a better person? Umm let me see in my book. Oh nope!
But y'see, there's a difference between knowingly making harm by making others believe an illusion of lie, than just 'oops'. If you clearly know what you're doing, then you're as guilty as ever. It's not an "oops" it's a choice.

If someone approachs you with the intention of helping you, in your life, giving advice, trying to make you feel better; do you let them start to believe an illusion to use them, to take advantage of being kind, just because... ?
If you kept telling yourself 'being bad, evil' or w/e, and the others don't believe in you and still want to help no matter what, why you honor that word? Do you really want to improve as a person or just stepping on the same rock over and over? Doest that make you happy?

Or the thought of being selfish and only thinking about what you want makes one feel better? Right, fuck everyone that wants to help, no?
Is easier to pretend a problem one created doesn't exist than just face it and tell the truth.
How hard was it if in the end it didn't matter? What is worse, being lied or just a lame truth that didn't matter in any case as "helping" didn't collide with that truth?
It's easier to whine and blame those that were mean, used you and abused you in the past, but it's harder to realise when you cross the line of doing the exact same others did to you to someone else, you're no longer the victim, but the offender.

It's fine, one can live ignoring what you did. It happens all the time, yet the consciousness is there. Unless you're 'evil' it will eventually come up and hurt you badly.
Unless, you somehow find joy in causing harm, in which case there's noone to blame but myself.

Perhaps there will be a day where one will say "Oh man, I did really f*cked up didn't I" and then you'd be sad for at least not apologising properly. Because, well, using someone that just had a genuine intent to help is okay, right?
Then don't whine because 'your life is full of stress' or w/e. The mind does pay a huge factor, and having guilt, even if you don't realise it, does give a huge burden. Everything adds up.
If one wants to be less 'stressed in life' you'd better try out bit by bit stuff that's hurting you emotionally.

As for me, I'm guilty of thinking that I'm nice and 'good' enough to help. Of course everything one do doesn't matter, nope, nope. Too naive perhaps, "that the friendship" is strong and real on everyone to just ignore the fact that some ppl do evil things for certain reasons.

Do I have to blame and hate myself? Of course. For believing, for trusting in others. For allowing myself be used, for everything. While it was nice to live a lie, it is not nice also to not have the chance to live such lie at all. Maybe "the world" is not suited for ppl with my personality, dunno. Better use and dispose huh.

Oh and last, sorry I can't trust anyone anymore. If you want to gain 'my confidence' better fucking show it. And that means to everyone and everybody that I uset to trust. Better to start to 0 and see who the hell cares enough to be 'my friend'.
Sorry if I sound rude or w/e, but right now I can't give f*cks to those that don't show they really want to be with me.
And that includes at least showing you want to talk to me without me poking or pestering around. And no, that is not 'you being interested'. You are 'interested' in me, not in what I do or what I have, if you're like that gtfo, you won't get anything from me anymore.

I guess someday I'll have a group of friends to chat and play with or do silly stuff, and that doesn't include "isolated" friends like so far.
I won't be logging in Skype or entering Steam until I see some f*cking effort on the part of others, and by that I mean real stuff, not just "uhh durr I want to help" idc.
I want real friends, I want real stuff, I want real feelings not just "pity" or w/e the hell ppl do these days.
I made a friendship group on Steam way ago just because I wanted real friends, and I opened myself too much I guess. It was 'too easy' to just make myself believe in others.
Well guess what, thank you very much that won't happen anymore. Do your damn effort if you want to be with me. I won't and Idc if you don't want to 'prove yourself' to be worthy of my time.
Does that sound like a dick to you? Well thanks to everyone that made me lose faith in real friendship. I love to be nice, but if in the end everyone uses me as a mat I'd rather be 'elitist' or something and wait for others to prove themselves.
Should you care? probably not, those that care are already on my mind, and those that don't they are not anymore.
After all, who wants to be with this poor fucker bad excuse for person that's me. Bleh.

BTW don't even comment here, Idc and I won't reply. If you really care you'd already have attempted to do something and not just "Ohh nooo" that's stupid.
And yes, I 'left' DA because the only ppl I get to see there are those with a huge number of friends that give 0 fucks to me. I tried making more real friends there but apparently there's just 5 or less that somewhat care for what I do in that site. I will still read stuff there or upload what I get but I won't attempt to do anything else, don't hold your hopes up unless I see real interest there.

That's all